This is an excerpt from a letter written in March to some of my friends in Rwanda"Well I am NOT on the flight today returning to Rwanda. You would think after being a missionary for almost 17 years now I would have learned by now that my plans are not always God's plans. Unfortunately this has been a hard lesson during this season. I thought I was being flexible and moldable but 2 weeks ago when Dave shared with me that we were not going to be returning to Rwanda in March but that it looks like it will be summer before we would return I must confess something inside of me snapped. Dave called me on the phone after he had a meeting with one of our primary Church partners....... We have lost some of our support over the last several years as we have followed God and planted CCR. ( Our primary church partner had been covering for the loss but is not able to continue covering so we are looking for additional support) This wonderful Church plant has come at a cost ---- I have often ponder the verse in Mark 10:29-31 where after one has left everything to follow Christ --- Jesus promises a long list of blessings that oddly includes persecution. This verse has become more real to me in the last several years....... I was glad that I was home alone and I got down on my knees before God and cried out to Him. I must admit to you I had a royal pity party! I told Him that I thought I had done a "pretty good job" of shifting gears this year but that I could not shift again--- I told Him that I had pretty much striped my gears... and thank you very much was not shifting anymore. I began to sound like a two year old....sobbing... not just the sweet tears rolling from your eyes but a guttural cry from deep with in. The funny thing was, that the more I cried and let go of my plans and self the more flexible I began to feel again. It was as if my tears were becoming the fluid in my gearbox ( I am glad this is being primarily read by women because I am sure I am messing up my car analogy) and I was able to shift once more. The next morning I woke up with a tangible peace and I new things were going to be alright. Now I would love to report that the last 2 weeks everything has fallen in to place--it was easy to change tickets, figure out housing both here and in Rwanda,communicate with kids about this change,change commitments ,etc but it has not been easy but it also has been surprisingly filled with God moments. Now back to Mark 10:29-31---I am starting to understand how persecution can be a blessing. It is hard to put it in words but when you are in this place you know that you are right where God wants you to be --it is raw....I guess it is where the rubber meets the road---it is purifying when you give up and let God take over. As all of you know this is not a one time thing but a daily or should I say moment my moment thing. Thank you all who walk with me in this journey--and for those who do not know me well or not at all thanks for bearing with my ramblings.
I miss you all --even those I have yet to meet. I know that when I return some of you will be gone and that is heart breaking but hope our paths will cross again. If not this side of heaven than the other side."
